#17 Friend or Enemy?
Oct 14, 2021
Time and age are interesting... As a young kid, I had visions of what getting older would be like AND a completely different definition of "old". I vowed to live with my mom forever and then when I got a bit older, it turned into living with a best friend forever- FOREVER!! And we meant it.
Now I'm on the doorstep of turning 50. WHAT??? The number sounds so foreign in relation to my self... I remember the party we threw for my mom when she turned 50- we hid little pieces of paper ALL over the house with 50 written on them- so just in case she was in danger of forgetting... reminders were everywhere. We found those little pieces of paper for months afterward.
A friend of hers brought a huge cake to the party. He'd spent hours on it. It was made out of wax that he'd melted and poured over $50 worth of pennies. 5000 little copper colored coins waiting to be freed. There was a lot of love and laughter that night with a little hint of worry from me- worry that my mom had reached the "old" mark- worry that fragility and ill-health might be soon to follow. What I didn't realize was that she was just getting started with discovering who she was and owning her story...
So... now on the doorstep of 50 myself- I feel a strength I've spent many years building and an excitement for the years ahead to continue building and growing, falling on my face and getting back up, making mistakes and celebrating the learning that comes with it. I'm discovering and embracing the paradoxes of life. It's easy to sit here and type that... a whole other story to live it.
The other day I was listening to a podcast of Brene Brown's (one of my favorite humans) and she was talking about this concept of paradoxes. That we can be brave and terrified at the same time. Filled with gratitude one minute and fear of losing something we hold dear, the next. That in order to be courageous, vulnerability comes along as the co-pilot.
Later that day another paradox popped from the jungle of my brain... I was giving "air time" to the part of me that acts like a bully. The part that says pretty nasty things to myself.
I thought of the phrase, "I'm my own worst enemy". As you're reading this there's a high likelihood you're nodding and saying- "Yep! Right there with you!" Then I thought about how our brains work- that what we practice becomes stronger. I often ask myself- "do you want to be even better at doing this in 4 years?" Often the answer is- "hell, no!" and it interrupts me long enough to think about what I actually would like to get better at... it's a cool little mind trick.
Here comes the paradox... what came next in my mental road trip was the suggestion of why not try to be your own best friend?
I thought of being in a room with you and many others and asking these 2 questions:
"How many of you can easily answer yes to the statement: I'm my own worst enemy?" You can probably imagine the hands raising.
Then, the question, "How many of you can easily answer yes to the statement: I'm also my own best friend?"... would the scene change? Would hands return to laps or enthusiastically raise into the sky? What would your hand do? I know mine would stay in my lap and my heart would want it to be different.
As I enter my 50th year, I'm excited to have begun this quest. The quest to become my own best friend. I circle back to that 12 year old girl who vowed to live with her best friend FOREVER- maybe this has been a possibility the whole time...
If this resonates for you at all (and I'm guessing, since you've made it this far it has), spend a few moments thinking about what a best friend means to you- maybe even write it out. Then choose one thing that you can do on that list for yourself this week. It most likely will feel a little weird- OR a lot 😆But you've spent lots of time doing the opposite- what's it going to hurt to try being nice to yourself and to give yourself support- you might find that you have that much more to give to those around you...
Thank you for being a part of this adventure! Here's to the paradoxes!! 💕
